Stories From a Foreign Perspective - The Weirdest Door Knocker...EVER!

Article Date: 08-08-2016

This is one weird story which took place, back in my first year of working at Hess.  I often found it difficult to complete work in the office as there were too many kids making noise or chatting to me, or my colleagues would come and give me more tasks to be getting on with. 

So I would take all the work I had to mark, and wander over to Dante Cafe, get some food and a cuppa then crack on with the work.  As I'm labouring through what needed to be done, nature decided it was time to make it's call.  I then waddled off to the toilet for a crap. 

Anyone that is living or has lived in Taiwan will know all about the door knocker when you're at the toilet. There are a few different types of door knockers but the one who really pisses me off is Mr. Persistent.  He will knock, then keep knocking, and knocking and bloody knocking.  

This ancedote I'm about to tell you which is factually true consists only of me, the door, the toilet, some keys and Mr. Persistent himself.  

As I was sat in the toilet doing my business Mr Persistent appeared.  He wanted in the toilet, and it didn't matter if anybody was in their or not.  He knocked on the door, he then proceeded to pull the door, wobble the door and push the door.  I get sick of these door knockers not realising that when the door is locked that means someone is inside.

I thought that after his door rage, he must realise I am inside and give up, so I ignored him instead of always saying I'm inside like your supposed to do.  Sitting on the toilet is generally the only time you can get some peace and quiet in Taipei and I think its one of the reasons a lot of people take their time.  Well I was clearly wrong, and my old man has clearly been right his whole life. Assumption is a the mother of all mistakes.  

This bloke must of been the king, or the leader of all the persistent door knockers throughout Taiwan.  I have never came across anything like this before, and hope I never do again.  The door being locked was only a minor deterrent to this bastard, he was not going to be stopped.  Not by me, or the door, or the lock. Nothing! NOTHING!

The next thing that happened was truly an amazing twist of events.  For some reason this bloke decided to take out his keys and pick the lock open, all as I was sat taking a shit.  He was fiddling with the lock for a good minute or so, and during this time I finally realised what he was doing. 

This give me some time to think about what to do.  Obviously there was still a bit of shock going through my mind, so I was struggling to think of something.  Then the door came open, I am sat there and I just shout at him angrily...GAMA!  GAMA!  (Gama is like an unpolite way of saying, what the f--- are you doing?)

The look on his face was so funny, I don't think kodak had that situation in mind, when they came up with their slogan Kodak moments.  It certainly was a one of those.  The look on the guys face when he saw I was inside was hilarious.  The odd thing is, if the door is locked why would you go to the effort of prying it open. 

After this incident I have stopped assuming that ignoring people knocking on the door will actually work, and wonder if anyone else has had this happen to them while they have been taking a crap?

Make sure you shout YOU REN!  Next time someone knocks on the door or maybe, just maybe they'll get their keys out and barge their way in.